...was this dude who was king of Israel during the time of the prophet Isaiah. All of his life, he did what was right in God's eyes - including obliterating the sex worship industry his forefathers chose to ignore.
This dude was able to get a wayward people back on track, worshiping the one true God. He was sold out to God in every facet of life.
But-
He got sick.
Isaiah told him he was gonna die.
It was bad.
Hezekiah cried out to God, "God, please, I beg you: Remember how I've lived my life. I've lived faithfully in your presence, lived out of a heart that was totally yours. You've seen how I've lived, the good that I've done." And Hezekiah wept as he prayed - painful tears. (Isaiah 39:2-3 Msg)
Stinky and I are are starting a Bible study titled; "Breaking Free: Making liberty in Christ a reality in life" by renown author, Beth Moore. Mom just finished leading this study at her church. She told me this lesson was written for me. She made me promise to do it over the course of the summer... or else!
Today's lesson was about Hezekiah.
I was grabbed by the throat and pulled into his story. I'm no king, but I felt my heart nodding with his prayer. I was saved at the age of six. With the help of my parents, I chose to live for Christ and not the world - paying a hefty price for that decision all throughout public school.
In college, after God derailed my plans for becoming a world-famous doctor, I sought His perfect will for my life the best I knew how at that time.
After college, in the big bad world of Denver, I chose to remain pure (not a hard thing to do when nobody ever asks you out) before I met John. John and I remained pure for our wedding (we hardly kissed!). The list goes on and it's pretty boring. You get the idea...
So.
My life has sucked big time. Lots of pain. Lots of suffering.
Read the previous post. I like to throw tantrums.
Today I sat on my patio doing my Bible study, and WHAM! I see a myself on the pages. Here's this guy who lived way better than I and he had a horrible, terminal illness. What kind of reward is that? How many times have I prayed the same thing? Why? God, don't you see how I've lived? How I constantly strive to live for you? This is how you reward me for my efforts?
Beth wrote the following: "Sometimes our enemy attacks the weak and wandering believers because they are easy prey. Other times he attacks competent, fully-surrendered servants of God for the challenge and the possible contagious effect of a fall." Gulp.
Don't know from whence it came, but I somehow bought into a lie that if I follow God, He will lighten the attacks. It's only fair, right? I know, I know - the New Testament talks alot about sharing in the sufferings of Christ. But still...
This stuff happens. Jobs go away, articles are rejected. Illness for me or my loved ones. Satan wants me to fall b/c my failings and icky attitude are contagious!
Sorry if I pulled you down. I'm gonna cry out to God and seek His direction for my writing. I have a sneaking suspicion about my focus but I want to be sure.
2 comments:
Hey Honey,
You know, the world is filled with sin and the consequences of sin. Sometimes, you'll get hit by the consequences and it seems unjust. But you know what? God sees the big picture... the REALLY Big Picture... and in THAT picture, His grace is sufficient for us.
Example:
Next time you sit on the patio, look around. Find some flowers, some leaves, a little bird... heck look at a blade of grass. REALLY look at it. God made incredibly beautiful things. And, God gave you the rods and the cones to see it in full color. God didn't have to. You'd be fine if you saw in black and white... but God gave the ability to see and recognize color.
This is Grace. Thank God.
Sure, you can go around noticing the sin and the apparent randomness of its ripples throughout the world... or you can look at His grace. I'd recommend focusing on the Grace. It's more fun.
Peace Out,
MrsQ
PS: Enjoy your little one, too. She's one groovy blessing. Yes?
Wow, Darcie. I just spent the last hour thinking about some of the same stuff you wrote about. I actually sent an email that goes with some of your thoughts. I'm going to copy part of it and post it here. I also just emailed you with some other thoughts that are related to this post. I love it when God ties things together!! He's teaching you and me a lot and reminding us again that He is here and He loves us.
The thread I was responding to with the following email was about financial struggle, but I think it relates to what you wrote about here. Here it is:
. I'm on digest so I got up this morning to a very powerful thread on
prosperity.
If you've been on this loop for long, you know that I've repeatedly asked
for prayer as my husband and I have tried to survive financially in the
midst of starting a business.
I've had times when I've had peace as I've walked through our trials and
times when I felt I couldn't do it for one more minute. I've come to God in
immense gratitude and I've come to Him in anger. There have been times I
didn't go to Him, just let the cloud of discouragement shut me down.
But as I reflect this morning, there are a few things I KNOW.
1) God's mercy is new every morning. When I don't trust perfectly. When I
put groceries on a credit card instead of praying them in. When I'm angry.
His mercy is mine. His forgiveness is everflowing.
2) Relationship with Jesus is not about earning brownie points. Because I
seek to do right and serve Him does not bring a guarantee of ease.
Years ago my hubby worked for Promise Keepers. After it's days of large
scale impact they began laying off workers. My husband was eventually caught
in a layoff.
After a year or two we had an opportunity to see several of the men who'd
worked there. Almost without exception those men and their families had gone
through tremendous struggle and heartache. Many had faced financial
hardship. Others had a variety of illness or crisis or relational upheaval
or death of loved ones. These men were in deep pain as a group.
I remember feeling angry with God. I said something to Him about how these
men had given so much of themselves in service to Him and of all people He
should be taking care of THEM--after all they'd done for Him!
I immediately felt the Lord's chastisement. Who was I to think we (and the
others) "deserved" something better than others because we had been in
vocational ministry? Serving God is a privilege. We are the ones blessed to
do it. It doesn't earn us a "home free" card. It doesn't mean some kind of
special favor that keeps us from experiencing life's trials.
3) Our journey through financial upheaval has helped me let go of
judgemental and legalistic attitudes toward myself and others. Christianity
is not a cause and effect principle. You know--if I serve and do good and
tithe (etc.) then God will bless. Christianity is a relationship with Jesus
Christ in which He will never leave or forsake us no matter the trial. If we
had to earn His favor we would never be good enough. It is only His blood
shed on the cross that makes us righteous--not our "good works."
4) God knows the best pathway for our lives (Psa 32:8) and works things for
our good (Romans 8:28). For some reason He chooses to let us go through
pain. But I truly believe He never leaves us to face it alone and even in
difficult situations He is working something new and beautiful in us and
through us. He is faithful to us even when we are not faithful to Him. He is
trustworthy to bring us forth in newness as we submit, even in hardship, to
His loving guidance.
5) God is an abundant God who loves to bless us. Yesterday I heard a story
that smacked me in the face. Someone was going through deep grief after
losing two parents. She shut down from other people and couldn't crawl out
of her pain. One day the Lord spoke to her and said, "Yes, I took your
parents, but I didn't take the flowers and the sunshine and birds singing."
I was convicted by her story. Even as we face hard stuff, God's blessings
are all around us. And so often, in the midst of deep struggle, when I've
felt I can't handle one more thing, He has whispered His love--whether in a
personal way, through a friend, or on a flower scented breeze.
Friends,
I don't know why the Lord has taken so many of us through hardship . . . but
Our Father adores us and heeds the prayers of His people. He is a good God.
He has a hope and future for His Beloved. He is patient with us in our
anger, our struggles, our lack of faith. He will raise us up on eagles win
and make us to shine like the sun. After our temporary suffering, He will
restore us.
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