So many choices...

I needed fabric softener and toothpaste. In and out. Right?

Nasally frustrated by never-ending poop, dog, cat and little boy stench, I'm easily lured by the dozens of "specialty" scents offered by every brand of softener. Is it really true that Snuggle released bursts of fresh scent every time you move? How nice that would be.

Fabric softeners occupy one side of an aisle in Wal-Mart. Slowing my Booger-laden cart to a stop in front of this wall of olfactory cheer, I pulled some "joyous jubilee" scented softer off the shelf. Does joy have a smell? Never knew jubilee could be captured in chemicals...

Ew.

Downy with Febreeze - the anti-stink spray. Will that obliterate the musty funk trapped in my towels? Booger and I sniffed them all. There was no way I'd subject John to smelling like a little old lady who bathes in Coco Channel. I can hear his office buddies now...

Eenie, meenie, minee, mo! Scent pearls. Ooooookaaaaay.

Snuggle's scent pears were on sale. Downy with Febreeze wasn't. I tossed the blue bottle into my empty cart.

Toothpaste.

Whitening Plus. Double Whitener. Super-Ultra Dazzle, Sensitive White. Great. More choices.

Which one truly works? I've been using whitening paste for a long time and my crooked teeth are still not movie-star horse-teeth white. Sigh.

Since when did whitening become more important than protection against cavities?

Twenty minutes and a cranky toddler later, I shuffled my way to the self check-out. Doubt over my purchases creep in. What if the fabric softener doesn't sooth my schnoze with "cool breeze" essences? What if the toothpaste tastes more like acid wash than fresh mint? Should I go back?

My conversation with myself garnered some puzzled looks from fellow shoppers whose carts were full of DVDs, candy and Santa-Clause pjs.

An hour wasted. It was supposed to only take five minutes. In and out. Why can't They go back to one or two choices? I bet fabric softener companies are part of a conspiracy to drive indecisive shoppers mad so we spend more moola.

Not buying gifts at all this year is actually a relief! Nothing to choose from equal zero indecisiveness. Whew!