Against all my common sense

Gloom, doom and despair. The media and Democrats are trying to stir up such a panic over the economy that people will beg the government for help. It's their way of scaring the American people into allowing them to pass that "stimulus" package.

Obama is spending $200 MILLION to re-seed the mall in Washington b/c his worshipers destroyed it during the inauguration.

Citi Group is spending $400 MILLION of OUR taxpayer bail-out money for vanity rights to name the Yankees stadium after themselves.

The list goes on...

Then there's that guy in CA who lost his job and murdered his family before turning the gun on himself.

Scary stuff.

Saturday I was driving down Pierce on my way to Columbine HS for a winter guard show. Midway, I felt my chest tighten, my breathing shallowed and those weird star things poked into my peripheral vision.

IRS wants our money (peanuts compared to the dude Obama appt'd to take it over - the dude who is filthy stinking rich and "forgot" to pay taxes? The dude who they are letting it slide?). Excell energy wants to turn off the power (again). I need refills on my medications and my prayers for provision have not been answered. My husband is panicking. He's considering a night shift at Taco Bell if he can compete with illegal aliens for the job.

Panic, panic, panic.

I read Oswald Chamber's My Utmost for His Highest yesterday and came across this (again). "Jesus said if we would obey the life of God within us, He would look after all other things. Did Jesus Christ lie to us?...If we are not experience the "much more" He promised...we are not living the life God has given us and have cluttered our minds with confusing thoughts and worries."

A long time ago I read a biography about Oswald Chambers. He wasn't some prune-faced guru sitting in a zen garden smoking lotus leaves. He was a missionary in India. He died in his mid-thirties. All that wisdom in someone who died at my current age. Oswald lived everything he preached. His wife compiles Utmost so his example would live on.

All the disgusting thievery going on in our government and all those other money-grubbing institutions is feeding my fear, my worry, my anxiety. Due dates for essential bills have come and gone. And come and gone. And come and gone. We've prayed, we've cried, we've taken on extra work projects in hopes to make money to meet our basic needs of food, water, electricity, shelter and medicine. And it's far from enough.

Where is God? Where'd He go? Anyone see Him?

He promised to meet our needs.

I stopped believing Him and have been trying to take matters into my own hands (again).

Then I read that little phrase by Oswald: "Did Jesus Christ lie to us?"

Y'know, that thought was stabbing me in the brain before I read those words. The passage in Matt 6 seems to follow me wherever I try to hide. "Do you think I'm a liar?"

How do I answer that to my Lord?

"Oh no, Jesus, you're God for hiccuping out loud! You can't lie!"

"Darcie, you sure live like I'm a liar. Actions are louder than words. I'm hurt."

Then last night a Words for the Journey, my friend Kim Woodhouse spoke to us about writing through adversity. She changed it up a lot since I heard her speak in the fall.

Her family was in great need. Her daughter has a life-threatening condition and they were no-where Alaska. They needed the basics (food, electricity, water and medical stuff). Kim laid on the floor and cried out to God. "Don't you see our need? We are missionaries. We gave up everything to serve you and we are in such great need with no means of meeting them ourselves."

She and God went back and forth. He finally made it clear that she didn't need anything. Not food. Not water. Not clothing or medicine. She only needed Him. He had to be enough.

Slinking down in my chair, I twiddled my thumbs, counted canned lighting in the ceiling.

Kim's dynamic in her presentation and uses her hands. When she told about her begging God and His response, she clamped her hand on my shoulder.

Lord Jesus, could you be a little more obvious?

All that in one day.

The freak-fest in our home isn't only confined to me. My poor husband is a quivering mass of cellular matter. He freaks, I freak. He freaks more, I spaz and get headaches.

My other friend Kay told me (and Kim backed her up - double teamed) I need to focus on the God/me relationship. Let Him take care of John. John needs to focus on his God/John relationship.

But...but... the IRS...

Do I believe my God is bigger than the IRS? Excell Energy? Denver Water? Kaiser Permanente?
Maybe I need to rewrite the Veggie-Tales song, "God is bigger than the boogey man" to "God is bigger than the (pause) IRS".

Here goes. I'm gonna go against any and all common sense I might have and trust God. Not allow myself to get confused and distracted by all the crap swirling around in our world. When I want to panic, I need to run to my Bible. I need to let my friends know so they can pray me through it.

I don't have the strength or intestinal fortitude to do this.

But doesn't He promise He is strong in our weaknesses?