Ugh.

A problem with blogging is that people read what I write, then use it to nail me.

For example. I got a call the other day from my friend Suzie. The conversation went something like this:

Susie: Hey Darcie, I'm calling to ask what you're gonna do about that thing Ryan posted.

Me: Oh... Um.... OH! That thing.

Susie: Yeah. So are you going to the meeting about the auditions on the 20th?

Me: No. I'm not auditioning.

Susie: Is that you or God speaking?

Me: Huh?

Susie: Are you not going to the meeting or auditioning because of what happened last year, or did you pray about it to see what God wants you to do?

Me: I made up my mind a long time ago I won't audition. I don't agree with it, and I can't go through that kind of trauma again.

Susie: I read your blog a few minutes ago...

Me: (Silence. Sound of Crickets.)

Susie: Your BLOG. You need to listen to yourself sometime.

Me: Oh. Yeah. The GPS thing.

Susie: Your doing a DPS (Darcie Positioning System). I can tell. GPS, girl.

How humiliating. Getting caught being contrary to what I "preached." Susie's right. I didn't consult God at all about Worship Team. I'm assuming that because I didn't pass auditions last year, it's not His will for me to sing. Ever.

I know, I'm guilty of all-or-nothing thinking which is a cognitive distortion. My decision making process if fueled by raw emotion and the desire to avoid conflict. Sooo, now I have to recant my absolute statement of the past six months and pray about it. "GPS, girl."