A long, long time ago, in the Denver Metro area, was born a child named Heidi.
She didn't live with goats on a hill in Switzerland.
She never learned how to play a diggery-doo.
Tickling pianos was here thing. Trust me on this, I love to lay underneath a baby grand when she plays because the sound fills my body with glorious sound...
Anyway, 14 years ago she found this ratty chick who'd wandered into the Colorado mountains from Pennsylvania. Noticing this ragamuffin was hungry and homeless, Hedi decided to take her home with her and call her name Doggie-doo-french-fry-head-cactus-butt.
For years, Hedi (later known as "Stinky" to me and me alone - no one else is allowed to call her by her special name) and DDFFHCB lived together as roomies. They shared many harrowing, life-and-death adventures.
Another day, l0ng, long ago, Hedi, DDFFHCB and a girl named Marlys, hiked up Eldorado Canyon to a train tunnel. The climb was steep and icy. Butts were badly bruised by the time the triad reached the tracks.
DDFFHCB has an insatiable desire for danger and adventure. Life had been cruel to the poor girl, and she longed to see light at the end of the tunnel. So, she did what any brainless, curious sap would do - skip along the steel rails into this tunnel carved into a mountain.
"I don't think that's a good idea," Hedi said biting her nails.
"Seems like fun to me," said Marlys who took a few halting steps into the inky blackness.
Heidi crab-stepped closer to the maw. "Darcie, please! I don't think you want to be in there."
"Bah," said DDFFHCB, "this is an adventure! I have to know there's light at the end of the tunnel so I can live happily ever after like those princesses on Disney movies. Hey, what's that rumbling sound?"
Being the one with a fully functioning brain, Heidi screamed. "Get out!"
"But I'm seeing light!"
Marlys sprinted for the opening of the tunnel and dove into a snow bank.
"Just a few more--" HONK! HONKhonkhonk! "I think that's a train."
Again, being of good sense, Heidi assumed a commanding posture and barked, "Darcie Yetter, get out of that tunnel--"
"Train!" DDFFHCB shot out like a cannon ball and joined Marlys in the snowbank as an Amtrak roared by. The wind from the passing cars, lifted DDFFHCB's curls into the air.
That was one day Heidi became a hero.
She's also a great comedian. Nobody could burp like her when she's armed with Cherry Coke in a can. I've tried, but don't come close.
As the years passed, Heidi remained loyal to her IQ-challenged pal.
Together we smashed racketballs against walls pretending they were people we didn't like. We ate several garbage trucks worth of Rotel and chips. Married two awesome guys who happen to be best friends, and now hobble down the path of toddler terror.
We didn't always get along. Who does? But we always come back around and find each other.
I chose the picture above, because it is the happiest day of Heidi's life. Like me, Hedi is unable to bear children (we never knew this all those years we terrorized the world as single women). The day my Booger was born, hers was going into the oven. Years of heartache melted into tears of joy when Emilie Hope was placed into her arms by the same social worker who placed Booger into mine.
Heidi Valentine takes the definition of "loyal" to a whole new level. I'm not the easiest person to get along with for so long :)
Today is her birthday, and I want to publically let the world know how much she means to me and that I love her as a sister - even though she calls me Doggie-doo-french-fry-head-cactus-butt.
