Thursday, May 31, 2007

Bummed out

I'm feeling a little... no, make that alot bummed out today.

I just got an e-mail from Denver Mamas blog that the hosting company is discontinuing all their blogs, so as of today, I'm jobless in Denver.

It wasn't my writing. It had nothing to do with me whatsoever. That's the good news. What I'm really struggling with is this.

My student loan payments come back to torment me in June (tomorrow!). Several months ago I prayed. There was no way we could make payments on our current income. I found a blogging job. It was just the right amount of money I needed each month. Woo-hoo! Celebration! An answered prayer!

Today, the day before the month the payments roll in, I get laid off. Does God have some sort of sick sense of humor? I thought this writing job was an answer to prayer? What about the "I'll provide for your every need" bit in the Bible? Better yet, what about the part that says, "I won't give you more than you can handle?" HAAAAA! I've had over five year's worth of "more than I can handle."

Bills keep being added. Income keeps being stripped away. What's the deal?

I know my life is being "pared down" so I can focus on my family and my novel. BUT I NEED THE MONEY NOW! It may be two years at the least before I see any $$ from my novel!!!

Oh, and here's the really painful part. I made a promise to tithe a percentage of what I made every month through my writing, to the mission organization my brother-in-law serves. So, not only did God allow my income to be stripped, He made it impossible for me to give to missions! No income = no giving!

Sorry for the rant. I'm gonna eat a pancake, feed the Booger, and let the Colorado sun burn holes in my head and hope God will tell me something. I'm glad He's big enough to take my little tantrums. Especially when I can't understand what He's up to!

1 comment:

Joe said...

Answers come. Kyle is one answer that came. Answers come. Emily is another answer that came.

Keep trusting that answers come.