Okay, okay, it's not what you think.
And I wonder if it has the same effect on anyone else... or am I alone?
The "V" word that makes me tremble and choke down this morning's eggs and spinach is vulnerability.
Free Dictionary defines it as being susceptible to physical or emotional injury. Susceptible to attack. Open to Censure or criticism; assailable.
I was vulnerable once. Until all of the above happened. And for the most part that is why I stopped blogging for three years. The pain from the emotional injury was way worse than any physical pain I ever felt. Here's some perspective - I had knee surgery two years ago where they had to saw my femur in half, crank it open, then screw and plate it back together.
Emotional pain is worse than physical.
For three years I've been piecing my life back together. Keeping to myself. Trusting fewer people than I have fingers. Not writing anything that could be used against me. Struggling to find my purpose and place. Feeling quite alone.
Last time I blogged I got myself into a whole heap of trouble. In fact, some people thought me and my ideas were a little too unsafe for the general churchy populace.
Not doing it.
Blogging for reals requires vulnerability.
I can write silly posts and tell funny stories all day long. Even post the cutest cat pictures you've ever seen. But for what? Who would bother with this blog? How could that build relationships with potential readers?
The only option left is to face the "V" Monster head on.
So please, if anyone at all is even reading JITLB anymore, be patient as I poke my head out from underneath my rock. And indulge in cute cat pictures once in a while.