"That's not fair!" I'd bellow, my face red and contorted into something resembling an accordian.
"Life's not fair." Mom'd say, her blue eyes blazing like twin blow-torches.
I can't begin to tell you how true her statement was/is, and how much I HATE that truth. Life is not only unfair, it's downright cruel. So much in fact, that for the past several weeks, I've been wrestling with my belief in a loving God.
Sparing you all the heinous details, I will say that for past five years, my husband and I have been plagued trials of many kinds. Right now, we are facing some harrowing and potentially devestating financial consequences from a string of layoffs John had no control over. Talk about unfair! (He's an architect and the Denver market has been far from stable since 9/11). The firm he currently works for, has it's entire crew on reduced salary and may have to lay off come Oct 31 if big contracts don't materialize. John is the latest hire...
When he told me that wonderful news I lost it. I've screamed at God, given Him the silent treatment, called him names, refused to sing praise songs and withdrawn from life in general. The most ironic detail is that we are on our SECOND Crown Ministries plan to get out of debt. We are working with a coach b/c our needs are so severe and unique.
Isn't it odd that when we choose to obey God and try to live life the way He prescribes in His Word, we get sucked into a furnace... or am I the only one who experiences this?
I want ot know WHY? Why do people who consciously disobey God seem to reap blessing vs. punishment? It's all around me - folks prospering from blatently sinful behaviors! I'm no saint, don't get me wrong, but I try. John tries soooooo hard too. Currently I have multiple robbery plots and scams running through my financially anemic brain, but I know I can NEVER act upon them. Drat.
Sunday, Pastor Jim mentioned (again) that we are not created for this world.
Hi. I'm Darcie, and I'm an alien.
As a mystery novel fan, I have not found a mystery more puzzling than my Creator. He baffles me. He makes me mad sometimes - well, I react to what He allows by getting mad. Other times I feel Him touch me gently on the shoulder when I stand in the choir and do my best lip-sync job.
If life sucks so much, and it really is WORSE in some ways as a Christian (we don't have all those coping vices available to us for instant, momentary relief or escape), why do some of us choose to hand our minds, bodies and souls back to our Creator? Why do we let this Jesus, a man of sorrows and suffering, be our Lord rather than pleasure? Why, when He becons me to burrow farther and farther into the litterbox with Him, do I spread my fingers and begin to rake at the clay?
I've been thinking this through for about two weeks now and all I can come up with is that I'd be TERRIFIED to be in the Litterbox without Him. I wouldn't want to be. I hang onto His promise that He has gone ahead to prepare a place for me. My rewards are in Heaven. Jesus did say that in this world we'd have a heap of trouble (heap of turds to fit the analogy), but not to worry. He has overcome the world (and carries a giant scoop to clear the path).
Thank you Mrs. Samuel for scaring the Hell out of me in Sunday School when I was six, and thank you Mom and Dad for reinforcing the reality of God as I grew up. God is bigger than any poop that falls on my head!