Monday, January 29, 2007

God's Word and Butt on ice

Do you know anyone who has gone to a vocal workshop and come away with an injury?

"How the heck does someone hurt themselves singing?"

Alright, it was me. BUT - I didn't hurt myself singing...

I hurt myself...

(gee, this is embarassing)

...sitting on the floor!

Yours truly, got a butt spasm from hell by sitting on the floor during lunch, twisting around to talk to a vocalist from another church who felt called to adopt a baby. The conversation was so engaging, I didn't notice how twisted I was sitting, and voila! When I tired to get up, the 'ol left butt muscle clenched with all it's strength, setting off the lower back and squishing the juice out of the siatic nerve!

Being that I was taking part in the most incredible vocal workshop put on by the Arts Academy of Denver-Milwaukee, I shuffled back into the auditorium to get more in touch with my lower costal muscle. That sucker is a few inches below the belly button AND attached to evil butt muscle and back muscles.

Imagine the pain shooting up my bod and down my leg when Clint Holden and Dr. Scott Martin had me sing for them at the end. I'm surprised the sound eminating from my mouth was not a howl, and ended up being a recognizable tone.

I don't know if I mentioned this before in any earlier posts, but my confidence is in the toilet. For my singing - it's waaaaayyyyy down in the sewer system. I even struggle with hating my voice, wishing it sounded more like what you hear on the radio (thin, wispy, light soprano-y). Or, like the girls who get asked time and time again to do solos. I love to sing. I love to sing solos, but I sing s0-low! I'm a natural contralto (classical term), 2nd alto (choir term), alto-on-pot (worship leader term). My voice is deep, rich, and boombastic. Mic? Who needs one?

Early on in the workshop, I ended up being a volunteer. Probably b/c I was the only person who brought a CD trak. It was during the learning to breath with Dr. Scott, part. What I heard was AWFUL!!! I'd worked so hard on my song all week, trying to sound like the (probably) early teenaged girl who sang it on the recording. As I sang, Dr. Martin came behind me and began to "squish" me from the lower costal muscle!

"Lean back, relax, lean're fighting me..." Try singing on pitch while being squished, leaning back and curling your toes. I was terrified. Let me say I'm soooo glad I did it. I never really would have known how low down my lower costal muscle was if it weren't for Dr. Scott Martin! I walked off the stage with a very tangible understanding of the proper way to breath. I also walked away with wounded pride. Yup. Pride. Here I was, singing in front of a bunch of other singers, and all they heard were noises aking to a caribu in heat stuck in a drain pipe!

When it was all over, I shuffled painfully to the front to talk to Dr. Scott and Clint. They offered to hear me again. I told them my struggle with liking my voice. "Should I even bother with singing? I seem to be going nowhere fast."

They listened. Dr. Scott, in his very forthright way told me I will NEVER EVER doubt by my gift again. I will NEVER EVER compare myself to anyone else. EVER. Gulp.

Both Clint and Dr. Scott said I had potential all right, I have a beautiful tone. I lack knowledge. I let the fear of doing something wrong hold me back and they heard that in my singing. Folks, I fear making mistakes so much its paralyzing. I fear it in my writing and my singing. Dr. Scott asked when he'd see me. He told me, sure his rates are super high, but could I afford $60 every other month? What about 1 time every 3 to start? I'm praying for $$ to further my gift. Also, Janet, from choir sat in the empty auditorium for moral support. I didn't ask her to, she sensed she needed to be there. I have a witness who heard the reprimand to NEVER doubt my singing ability again, now I have all of you (the 3 of you???).

Now about the God's Word part. But before I begin that - I'm on and off ice every 45 min to an hour; ice on my butt! My chiropractor, Becki, came to my house 3 times in two days to get me mobile. Taking care of Kyle is so hard when you can hardly walk or bend... but I digress...

Since movement was not possible, nor sitting for any length of time, I stayed home from church. Between icing my buns, I did both my CBS and Thin Within Bible studies. One of the verses from Thin Within said:

Forget about what's happened;
don't keep going over old history.
Be alert, be present. I'm about to do something brand-new.
It's bursting out! Don't you see it?
There it is! I'm making a road through the desert,
rivers in the badlands.
Wild animals will say 'Thank you!'
- they coyotes and the buzzards-
Because I provided water in the dessert,
rivers through the sun-baked earth,
Drinking water for hte people I chose,
the people I made especially for myself,
Isaiah 43:17-21 (The Message)

That last line hit me between the eyes so hard. The earlier lines tell me God is beginning a healing process in me. I've been in the litterbox for sooo long. I'll still live there, b/c its the world we live in, but I've spent all my time smelling the turds, rather than raising my head over the edge to breath (lower-costally) the fresh air.

My Thin Within leader recommended buying a new Bible for that study in order to highlight all the verses used within the study, so when I'm tempted to eat (and belive you me, the pain in the butt had me prowling the kitchen), I open the Bible, read a highlighted spot, and God will intervene. The Message is great. I decided for my healing, I need fresh words. Reading familliar scripture with new words is exciting. Try it!

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