Monday, July 16, 2007

Somebody thinks I rock!

I opened my inbox yesterday.

Imagine my surprise when I found out that my blog - the litterbox was chosen for the "Rockin' Girl Blogger" award!


Not something to brush off when I share the honor with mega-blogs like ragamuffindiva, relevantblog and gracereign! I mean, those gals are REAL writers as in PUBLISHED folk.

Okay, so I'm published...

but not books...


I guess I'm still not considering my self a "real" writer. I've been writing steadily for over a year now - articles, blogs, book & CD reviews.

Why am I hesitant to list myself among the legit?

Precisely, what defines a bonafide writer?

Someone who can spell? Someone who can diagram sentences while making monkey bread? Someone who can quote classic prose in the security line at the airport? A person who gets PAID for melding words and phrases? A hermit, holed up in a drafty cottage with a rickety Smith-Corona?

I'm none of those things. I do drink coffee.

My hang up is the money thing. How can I call myself a professional writer if I very rarely get paid for what I do best?

I'm under a lot of pressure from the budget powers that be to either start making $$ from my writing, or find a "real" job.

To me, "real-job" = something I'd hate doing.

Been there, done that. Hated every minute of it.

Yet I struggle to write.

What if I can't sell this? What if it takes years to find a home for my book? How am I going to pay off my student loans? I've deferred them as much as I can, and need to find the money two months ago...

I'm discovering that worry, and lack of faith are biggie creativity slayers. Also, my fear of naming myself as a writer...

Ahhh, there it is... fear.

If I call myself a writer, I'm under the belief I must succeed. I must become the next JK Rowling (after all, Harry's done come August). If I fail... then what?

Been on that gnarly path before...

Here's my prayer today: Jesus, I believe you called me to be a writer. Help me with my doubt.


WordVixen said...

I'm torn between wanting to give you a big hug and say "it's ok!" and wanting to run around shouting "She said monkey bread! I love monkey bread!".

Is that weird?

It is a subject that comes up again and again. What makes a writer? In my opinion if you write often, and do it for either love or money, then you're a writer. And if you've completed a novel length work (even if it's non-fiction), then you can add "author" to your list.

Perhaps telling people that you're a writer would be more beneficial. I keep telling people that I want to be a writer- and that's a little defeating.

D. Gudger said...

You crack me up!

I love monkey bread too. Never made it, maybe should.

I hear you on the "wannabe" part. I do that too.


we're both published writers for Titletrakk!

WordVixen said...

You got a point! We definitely are writers- just working on the author part.

And my Grandma makes the best monkey-bread. Too bad she lives 1200 miles away.

D. Gudger said...

Does she (your grandma) live near me? Yummy yummy!