Thursday, April 13, 2006

Identity is morphous

Who am I these days? I used to be just "Darcie", but now I'm finding myself being referred to again and again as "Kyle's Mom."

A few days ago I was grocery shopping at Whole Foods with the little muffin man riding in a front baby sling thing. No less than a dozen admirers stopped me in my tracks, not to speak with me, but to speak to he-who-cannot-talk-back! Never in my life of grocery shopping, has ANYONE stopped me for any reason other than to ask me to move my cart out of the way.

My birthday was Friday, April 7th. Would you believe I recieved birthday gifts that were really for Kyle??!! Whose birthday was it? My friend Melissa, who has two kids (2 & 6 weeks) told me that I can kiss my Christmas presents good-bye from now on. "It'll all be about Kyle. You become no more than a shadowy figure in the background." Yikes! I'm not a lurk-in-the-shadows type person, but now that I do have a baby, who am I? Am I nothing but a bottle-slinging, diaper-bag schlepping, poopy bottom wiping machine? Few people ask how I'm doing these days... "How's Kyle?" is now the primary question. "Is he sleeping? Is he pooping at least twice each day? How much formula is he taking? Can he smile yet?"

I used to be Darcie the writer, the singer, the woodswoman-adventure seeker. Does she have to die? Is it possible to be a mom and hold onto some, if not most elements of my past identity?

What do you think? I'd appreciate any experienced parent wisdom you are wiling to share. :)


Joe said...

Happy Birthday to you
Happy Birthday to you
Happy Birthday


Happy Birthday to you

Susie Sims said...

OOOH - Joe's being mean.
Not to worry, sweet Darcie. You will always now be known as Kyle's mom, but the worst of it is the infant years. As he gets older, more folks will remember good old Darcie. In the meantime, just gently remind people that Darcie is still a person, too, and you're struggling with your loss of identity. It only takes one reminder for people to understand.