Friday, April 07, 2006

What about Eve?




Eve didn't have a mother, or grandmother or even a mother-in-law. Neighbors of the upright bi-pedal type didn't exist and Adam was a man. How did she cope when along came little Cane? No one gave her a trial pack of Enfamil Lipil and Huggies Newborns. Barnes and Noble didn't exist with it's forty thousand books (all with conflicting expert opinions and advice) on infant care and child rearing...

How did she know to give the baby her breast? La Leche wasn't there to scare her with hellfire should she opt to bottle feed. (Those rabid breast-feed-or-die-a-miserable-firey-death groups make adoptive parents feel as though we belong in Sing-Sing or Alcatraz!)

I bet Eve had to experiment with little Cane. Okay, so he didn't turn out too well, but Abel did!

Everywhere I turn, everone I speak to has advice. Some of it is great, some, well... strapping Kyle to the top of a moving bus in the middle of the night sounds rather dubious to me, or wait, I think the person said I should strap myself to the top of a moving bus at night in the rain so I could be awake enough to feed Kyle at 3 AM...

A woman from choir gave me the book BECOMING BABY WISE. I'm reading it and liking the premise and the almost promise of a full-night's sleep by week 8 or 9.

Yesterday I dragged myself out of bed late (John turend off the alarm again), schlepping myself and Kyle to MOPS. www.mops.org I was delighted to discover a buffet of food and fresh coffee to help lift my leaden lids. A LCSW (liscensed clinical social worker) talked about post-partum depression. Here are some of the descriptors from the list:

*life feels scary
*it feels out of control
*it feels like, if only I could get a full night's sleep, everything would be better
*I feel like I'm going crazy

There are more, and the weird thing is that I can check ALL items on the list! I didn't give birth to my child, yet I'm showing some postpartum? My hand shot up in the air and I asked the question, "Can adoptive mothers feel this way too, or am I REALLY crazy?" The LCSW answered by telling me that there is indeed a post-adoption depressive state. It's generally triggered by the sudden change in your life and most of all the LACK OF SLEEP! I'm not crazy, contrary to popular opinion, I'm a mommy. All mommies go through this regardless of how their child came to their arms. I'm sure Eve would agree.

3 comments:

Karen T said...

One good thing (similar to Eve) - at least you didn't have to go through the birthing preliminaries to hear all the horror stories of how bad childbirth can be or how many grueling hours of labor or the number of stitches required at the end... I'm not sure why other women think it's useful to scare first time moms...

I'm sure you've heard it before, but it will get better and God gives the strength to keep you going. It's like Highlander - all you have to do is keep walking, He’ll keep you pointed in the right direction.

Our recommendation for reading – “Shepherding a Child’s Heart”, by Tedd Tripp. Although it may not help on some of the most pertinent things to you now (ie what does this color of poo mean?), it’s about disciplining your child. Believe it or not it’s not too early to start. Children are very good at manipulation – especially at early ages. Keep up the good fight – it’ll all be worth it in the end (actually it’ll feel like it was worth it in about 9 months when he’s crawling around, smearing food everywhere and laughing...).

Joe said...

Love the way you connect new perspectives to life like this. Eve's such an interesting example. I wonder why Moses didn't write more about how she did handling her children... or same for Mary.

Joe said...

Love the way you connect new perspectives to life like this. Eve's such an interesting example. I wonder why Moses didn't write more about how she did handling her children... or same for Mary.